I understand that the members of the District of Muskoka council, as well as the mayor of Huntsville, along with some of his council members, think it behooves all of us people in Muskoka, including rural districts, such as Lake of Bays township where I reside, to contribute financially toward the cost of water, sewers and street maintenance in the towns such as Huntsville. This sounds wonderful.

Unfortunately, some of the local yokels in the bush, along with the ‘tourists’ (also known as cottagers and or summer residents) seem to object on the basis that, since we pay for the installment of our own septic tanks and wells, as well as for roads and garbage disposal, without any subsidies from the good people of Huntsville, the town should pay for its own drinking water and sewage treatment.

How naive of us ‘hot dawgs.’ Had we only asked for the money I’m sure the altruistic burgers of Huntsville would have fallen over themselves to alleviate our costs.

Some of the town council argue that, since we rustics use the town roads, washrooms and drinking water whenever we pay a visit, that surely some of the cost of such should be borne by us. This is only reasonable. You see, when I get up in the morning I drive to town every day with celerity because I don’t want to use my own facilities at the cottage when the town has similar amenities for free. It’s really a matter of “holding it” until I get there. I’m sure most of us do the same. Oh, of course I have other lesser important or ancillary reasons for going to town, such as banking, grocery shopping, dropping in on the pharmacy, hardware and liquor stores, getting some lumber or a haircut, etc.; but using your facilities is of primary importance.

Likewise, my car loves to roar up and down your paved, potholeless streets, going in circles around the block, the tires screeching in delightful ecstasy as they leave telltale skid marks behind. Naturally, I should be taxed for this too, in the same way that you good folks will undoubtedly offer to contribute to the repairing of my own nasty gravel country road in the summer of 2009. I can hardly wait.

We rustics seem to spend quite a bit of money in town, thereby forcing the owners of diverse businesses to earn lots of money against their will. Goods and services tend to be depleted such that the townspeople sometimes face temporary shortages. This should not be.

I suggest you pass the legislation to increase our taxes as quickly as possible during the late winter before the silly tourists get wind of it this spring and before they have their ubiquitous annual, pedestrian cottage meetings, most of which are held on or before the July 1 weekend.

Once they learn of your intentions they collectively will become an ugly beast and will surely turn on your various mayors and councils. Some of the scalawags even know how to vote. I know because I used to be one of them before I became a permanent resident enlightened by the benefits of regional government. You folks had better find some place to hide.

On the other hand, Rome wasn’t burned in a day.

In the meantime, I’ll try to support your cause, however indirectly, by “holding it” again tomorrow morning before heading, once again, to town.

Cam Walker,
Rebecca Lake, Dwight